Saturday, December 31, 2005
Not meant to be lonely
I saved this for New years eve because I was sitting here alone and wanted to share something I had written some time ago with you about loneliness. The Lord has given us the cure to loneliness, it is called companionship with a another human being. The only thing that God saw that was not good in the book of Genesis, during the creation, was that man (read person) was alone and it was not good. What did God do? He made a mate, a partner, a companion for Adam, called Eve. God's cure for loneliness is companionship and life partnership...... here is my original essay called Not meant to be alone.
What we feel and how we react is as much predicated on our expectations as on our experiences and emotional make-up. Take the feelings of loneliness we experience. Our expectation is that it is not normal to be lonely or that being alone within oneself is meant only for those special times when we need to have some privacy. My feelings of loneliness stem from my expectation that I am created a special being whose purpose is to interact with others of my kind in a way that brings about companionship and engenders a feeling of love and warmth.
I do not want to reduce our feelings to just chemical reactions due to other chemical reactions, because I believe we are much more than just a mechanism. Life is something that science still cannot create, although it can still be destroyed. From the first time it was said that it is not good to be alone, it really has been true for us as humans. We need others and others need us.
However, within our psychological make up there may be the idea that even though we long for companionship to make us complete, we do not deserve that companionship because of something we feel or something we have done in the past, or perhaps the kind of persons we perceive ourselves to be. Those ideas of who we are and what we deserve keep us from experiencing the full measure of companionship. In this way, we deny ourselves that which we need and want most.
What can be done to alleviate this condition? We can open ourselves up to being loved by others. When we cut ourselves off from others who could or do love us because we feel unworthy or because we cannot understand how they can love us, we build a wall that shuts the love out and keeps the loneliness in.
When you feel lonely, remember the people who have opened themselves to you and drop your defenses for a while. Yes, you may be opening yourself up for hurt, but you cannot be loved and feel close to someone if you are continuously behind a wall that shuts out the very thing you claim to want. Loneliness for some of us is not an option, but a reality because of how isolated we are. Loneliness for others of us is self-imposed because of fear or pain or self-loathing. If we would be free to love, then we need to slowly and purposefully start dismantling the wall that holds our emotions prisoner and start to trust and ask those others around us who are willing to begin to fill our loneliness with their love and friendship.
There is no help without risk. The risk however is worth it because it is the only way we can live a life filled with companionship and love.
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What we feel and how we react is as much predicated on our expectations as on our experiences and emotional make-up. Take the feelings of loneliness we experience. Our expectation is that it is not normal to be lonely or that being alone within oneself is meant only for those special times when we need to have some privacy. My feelings of loneliness stem from my expectation that I am created a special being whose purpose is to interact with others of my kind in a way that brings about companionship and engenders a feeling of love and warmth.
I do not want to reduce our feelings to just chemical reactions due to other chemical reactions, because I believe we are much more than just a mechanism. Life is something that science still cannot create, although it can still be destroyed. From the first time it was said that it is not good to be alone, it really has been true for us as humans. We need others and others need us.
However, within our psychological make up there may be the idea that even though we long for companionship to make us complete, we do not deserve that companionship because of something we feel or something we have done in the past, or perhaps the kind of persons we perceive ourselves to be. Those ideas of who we are and what we deserve keep us from experiencing the full measure of companionship. In this way, we deny ourselves that which we need and want most.
What can be done to alleviate this condition? We can open ourselves up to being loved by others. When we cut ourselves off from others who could or do love us because we feel unworthy or because we cannot understand how they can love us, we build a wall that shuts the love out and keeps the loneliness in.
When you feel lonely, remember the people who have opened themselves to you and drop your defenses for a while. Yes, you may be opening yourself up for hurt, but you cannot be loved and feel close to someone if you are continuously behind a wall that shuts out the very thing you claim to want. Loneliness for some of us is not an option, but a reality because of how isolated we are. Loneliness for others of us is self-imposed because of fear or pain or self-loathing. If we would be free to love, then we need to slowly and purposefully start dismantling the wall that holds our emotions prisoner and start to trust and ask those others around us who are willing to begin to fill our loneliness with their love and friendship.
There is no help without risk. The risk however is worth it because it is the only way we can live a life filled with companionship and love.
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